Entry 5#

Good news everyone, today was a GREAT DAY.

Last night I dreamt about my grandpa... I was talking to him but he wasn´t happy, he was sad because I couldn´t move to get to him. Finally he faded in the wind. Suddenly I wake up so scared because I hadn´t let myself think about him for so long, it hurt so much to see him and see that he was sad. I felt so depressed I was ready to give it all up, just drown on a pool of misery!

Then I was in the street almost bursting into tears, and a small child came to me and smiled when I touched her hair – because I love children. I forgot how much I love children, I was so stuck in this place of no thought I forgot the bad things but also the good ones.

So I decided I would try to find something good in everything I saw today. And I did! At first it was hard to smile, it has hard to find things interesting because it all seemed so grey – but after a while I began to see colors, and the world - and reality struck me like a bullet.

I was watching the evening journal and there was that horrible incident in America – so many children dead, I cried because I felt the pain in every single picture I saw. Those babies were taken from their moms and dads, they didn´t have a chance to live anymore – because someone decided they deserved to die. And that hurt me, I felt selfish because I was so caught up on my own pain I didn´t saw that I had and have the great gift of life. 

The image of my grandpa appeared again and he nodded, then I knew it was time to stop grieving and starting living. I want to live a full live like he did, and give myself to those who deserve it like he did, and love my family right now! Just be the best I can be so that one day I can have and care for my own family. I really want to live. That was an amazing feeling….

Today I am in love with “the feeling” so I am going to prepare myself, and do the things that make me happy! Here are the books I want to read, and FRIENDS and a cup of tea to finish this wonderful day. Hope you had a wonderful day too!