Entry 9#

I am the worst person at sticking to anything at all, ain´t I? I say I will have a blog and it will be a place to exercise my writing skills (yeah I am very presumptions about it lol some days) but I just don´t write as much as I would like… I say I will be this or that but the next day I change my mind… I say I want to exercise and I do it and the next day I feel I can´t move a muscle! Am I normal or I am so completely wacko I just don´t see it? I kid :D … I guess we all feel lost at some point, I just need to find my balance again…

These days I have been feeling less confident about myself and what makes me be me and not just another sheep! It seems I went back in time and am 18 again, lost in this confusing world and not knowing “what the hell am I suppose to do with my life?” It is frustrating and annoying, and sooo complicated! I just hate to feel this away - it´s like all I have done to get where I was - meant nothing, and I just can´t settle for that… So I do my prolonged meditations (and try not to go insane) as time goes by, too quickly for everything I must do, so I don´t do it! It is just not fair. I forget everything and I feel old lol. I might just be the crankiest old lady ever! Lool… But I am alive and that is quite the nice feeling…

I do have a tone of ideas - the most ridiculous and annoying things to comment upon just seem to fly to my lap nowadays lol, it is true! But I don´t feel confident enough to put myself out there again and just say it… I need to be braver and just do it. They say it is only hard the first time…

I have been resting a lot which makes me wake up happier and so energetic (so great)! I feel happier with the way I look, I am so much closer to the way I used to look! People seem nicer these days as well lol it doesn´t seem much but it makes me feel easier about my future. Overall I feel more calm and serene. I hope I do follow through with my plans for the blog, I have so many thing note down to complain about lol. Just waiting for that inspiration lol…